


escapism

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Child Abuse, Drinking to Cope, Excessive Drinking, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Near Death Experiences, Past Child Abuse, References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, runaway jeonghan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-19 23:44:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17611340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "i guess i have to face,that in this awful place,i can't show a trace,of doubt..."in which jeonghan cowers under his parents bodies and where seungcheol struggles to find a way out.'i'd rather be, free."





	1. "and pulled against the grain, i feel a little pain,"

heart pounding, tear stricken, jeonghan keeps on running. no matter how much his legs want to give out, or how much his lungs want to jump out of his skin - he needs to get out of here. once and for all. he skids slightly before going around a corner, sweat beading on his forehead due to the hot sun that was now beaming on him. it was a crisp and great summer day, a day where all the parents would send their kids out to play and enjoy popsicles and games. not for jeonghan, unfortunately. a fourteen-year-old jeonghan had one game that was always his favorite to play; cat and mouse!

 

oh boy, how he loved running and running until he felt like he could faint from exhaustion.  how he loved falling asleep on concrete. oh how he loved curling into a ball to keep warm!

 

jeonghan laughs at the thought before suddenly being yanked out of his thoughts, his butt meeting the conerete hard. jeonghan is afraid to look up, but he can feel the lingering aura of anger from his father floating above him. he's soon lifted up into the air but jeonghan's eyes are still facing away from his dad. he smells strongly of cologne mixed with alcohol and the only reason it smells like this is because this is one of the 'special' days - chuseok - where jeonghan can finally be out of his room for awhile. just after the small feast ends. it's the only day that jeonghan can actually eat properly, and he's surprised he hasn't gotten sick off the rich food. 

 

"look at me. jeonghan." jeonghan shakes his head and gulps. 

 

"i said look at me!" he winces at his fathers loud voice and slowly looks up. hand meets flesh, flesh meets tears and body meets concrete. jeonghan barely pushes back a sob as he curls into a ball. _it's supposed to be a special day today..no more hitting..._  

 

jeonghan looks up at the other with piercing fear in his eyes. his father is just looking down at him with the most disgusting face ever. reminds him of the time he attempted to save his mother, only to be flung into the wall at the end. the same look hit him like a bag of bricks, just like his fathers fist after he was flung into the wall. jeonghan was only six-years-old at the time. and now, eight years later, he has to save himself. 

 

a hand appears in his vision and jeonghan takes it, being heaved up by his father before they walk back home hand in hand. they enter the door and jeonghan smiles widely at his family - a thing his dad told him to do - before bowing. "i am here!" his family claps and smiles before walking up to the boy, ruffling his hair. they completly ignore the big red mark on his cheek or the dirt on the knees of his pants. they don't notice how jeonghan has a healing busted lip from his father bitch slapping him due to spilling something in his room. they really did not care about jeonghan. they really don't care.

 

the day passes by quickly and soon jeonghan is thrown back into the basement with his 'regular clothes' - a tattered shirt, pants two sizes too big and torn up socks - and he stares out the window for awhile. sitting on his sleeping bag, the small window looks like if it was giving him a close up view of the sky slowly turning dark. it was like he could see the littlest things in the stars and the biggest planets ever. the thought comforted him, making him smile slightly as he watched dark take the place of light and the stars taking the place of the fluffy clouds. space always had fascinated the young jeonghan, but the crippling thoughts of sui-

 

oh. yeah. he should've have done it a long time ago. he was just the worthless child anyways. the weird one. the disgrace to the yoon family name. 

 

"yoon jeonghan. the faggot." jeonghan almost chokes on his own words. tears start to form in his eyes and he's suddenly wondering why he's crying. it's all true, isn't it? these words aren't just some stupid insults coming out of his father's mouth! it's the fucking truth! why is he crying?!

 

blood. blood is all he sees now. it's draining from his hands, it's stained onto the wall. his knuckles are hurting like a bitch. 

 

why is he doing this to himself?

 

=======

 

hand purple, cheek red, jeonghan struggles to clean his father's car. he was only fed a small portion of rice today. not enough for a growing boy like him. as starvation slowly consumes jeonghan, a loud shatter is heard, making jeonghan flinch. that same sounds still haunts him till this day. he looks around before seeing a boy running across his lawn, so close to him. their eyes meet for a split second and everything goes in slow motion before the boy looks away, jeonghan being jolted back into reality by the car knocking into his head. a sob comes out of him. 

 

he'll never survive long enough. he can't even fight back, for gods sake. 

 

"i thought i said to fucking clean the car huh?!" jeonghan's fathers big hand was pushing his face down into the soapy car as he struggled to breath, purely out of the anxiety that was building up in him. the fear of dying under his fathers grasp made him push away slightly, but he got slammed back into the metal. soap started to get into his eyes and then he was pulled away, meeting the concrete with a loud thump. as jeonghan's world faded away, blood poured out onto the concrete and mixed with the soap. his father looked down and just watched his son slowly bleed out. his own fucking son. why would he do this? why would he put jeonghan through all this fucking pain?!

 

and the last feeling jeonghan felt was sadness. because he would never live.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. "that i would rather do, without."

luckily, jeonghan lives another day. his father played it off as a simple accident, but jeonghan knew very well it just wasn't 'an accident'. he wakes up in a hospital bed with a bandage wrapped around his head. the faint smell of strawberry scented soap fills jeonghan's nose, and he almost cringes at it. he doesn't want to be reminded of yesterday at all. he just wants to be alone with his own thoughts. looking around, he takes in his surroundings before laying back and closing his eyes, letting his thoughts consume him. the thoughts of him being saved by someone crashing into that small window in the basement. the escape plan and him finally seeing the whole universe. just by that one person. but it would only be a dream. a silly dream that would never come true. jeonghan was certain he'd stay in his father's grasp until he got the balls to escape himself. 

 

"you're awake."

 

jeonghan opens his eyes and looks over at the mysterious person. fluffy hair, cat eyes and large glasses, this boy is literally the most shielded boy on the planet. for god sake, he has a overwatch sweater on! it only makes jeonghan scold himself for turning red because of the cute boy, who's now walking towards him. he looks about jeonghan's age. 

 

"i know why you're in here. you see....i'm someone you know but you don't know." jeonghan only nods silently in response.

 

"i can't save you. i can't do anything. but what i can do, is send you a savior."

 

he sits up, clearly intrigued by this offer. the boy chuckles. "just give me a month. you can thank me later."

 

and the mysterious boy walks out.

 

a week passes, and jeonghan still can't get the overwatch sweater wearing boy out of his mind. he spends countless nights staring at the basement window, wondering and waiting for this promised savior. he's currently being starved by his father because he can't do anything else but just rest. it's his fathers only way of abusing him at the moment. stomach grumbling, jeonghan crawls into his sleeping bag and keeps on staring at the window. the stars were twinkling, looking so pretty and ethereal. this, is what makes jeonghan forget that he has so much scars and bruises and cuts from his father. the stars jerk him away from reality and into a better world, not filled with his crippling feelings. he falls asleep, knowing he'd be alright. 

 

until tomorrow. 

 

when he wakes up, it's filled with screaming as he struggles to fold his sleeping bag, throw it into the corner and stand at attention. he can already smell the alcohol radiating from his father, indicating he drank himself to sleep last night. jeonghan's too scared to ask why he's doing this to himself, but something tells him it's himself. he's stuck with a wimp of a son, why wouldn't he drink his disappointments away? fingers lifting up his chin, jeonghan's father observes him before putting his head down, and he's already gearing up for the blows. they come one by one, and soon he's struggling to breath on the floor right now. why won't his dad just fucking kill him and get it over with?! 

 

and alas, his wish comes true. jeonghan's father goes upstairs, him instantly forcing himself up to move to the corner, his only safe spot. gasping, jeonghan watches as his father comes down with something twinkling in his hand. hovering over him, he prepares for the worse as jeonghan struggles to shield himself with his arms. and it all happens with one swift movement. the knife pierces into jeonghan's upper chest, a sharp pain shooting throughout his body. letting out a scream, blood instantly spurts out onto his shirt as his dad yanks the knife out of his chest. he throws it behind him before looking down at the bleeding jeonghan, who was sobbing and holding onto the stinging cut. jeonghan was really going to die hm? _it's all over for me....it's all over. no savior. no nothing. just my father and blood._ _he's just watching me bleed out hmm? well father, you've won. you've won this game. this stupid fucking game. why was i even born to you hm?! why was i the recreation of you! i want mom! i want us to be happy again! i just want to fucking live!_

 

suddenly, jeonghan stands up, still holding onto his cut as he stares at his father dead in the eyes. "listen here, you fucking punk, you've m-made my life h-hell! and you know what? i hope y-you get dragged d-down into hell too!" he shouts with the little energy he has, breathing heavily. his father just looks at him before smirking and swinging his fist, and off jeonghan goes into the ground with a loud thump. 

 

_he's dead._

 

=========

 

seungcheol takes another swig of the brown glass bottle. the liquid flows down his throat and burns it slightly. he loves the burn. he loves every single emotion that flows out of him with a single drink. only a fifteen-year old, seungcheol already knows how pain feels and how to erase it for awhile. when his hand wrapped around a beer bottle at fourteen, at that moment, seungcheol knew everything would go away. but _just for awhile._

he coughs slightly, choking on the beer as he throws the now empty glass bottle to the ground with the others. he's had too much tonight. seungcheol forces himself off the alleyway wall, still coughing, and slowly shuffles out onto the side walk. the cold flows around him as seungcheol bundles up in his jacket and continues forward back to his home, half-drunk. the silence is menacing as it picks against seungcheol's current mental state. although he feels mostly numb right now, his emotions still manage to slip through the cracks when he walks home and seungcheol soon finds himself sobbing his ass off at the park. 

 

seungcheol just can't take this anymore. the cuts, the beer, nothing is fucking helping him! he's countlessly running away from everything and not taking it head on because he's too scared to! god, how he just fucking hates himself. he's nothing but a fucking living dead man! 

 

"i hate this i hate this i hate this!" and off seungcheol's fist goes, into the tree right next to him. old bark flies off and into his face as he swings his other fist into the tree. more bark comes flying, and soon seungcheol's gnawing into the tree over and over again. bark keeps on flying into his face and scratching it up but he couldn't care less. the cuts burn, but he's ignoring it because the pain in his knuckles is worse. they're torn up, caked in dirt and blood. but he just can't stop fucking punching this damn tree! 

 

"why- do- i- fucking- have to live- but my- father- doesn't?!?" he screams after each punch. seungcheol's adrenaline is running off and he could feel the pain more and more. and then he collapses. just his legs completely give out and seungcheol doesn't know why. he falls to the ground, tears starting to brim his eyes. _seungcheol can't take this. he really fucking can't._ another sob falls from his lips as he curls up into a ball, burying his face into his knees. tears flow into his knees as he lets out another sob, shivering slightly. the thoughts that were now flowing through him were terrible, that he could not even want to fight with himself. 

 

but seungcheol being seungcheol, he does it anyways. with all the willpower he had he pushed himself up, dug in his pockets and tugged down his sleeve. the knife he had sheathed from the pocket was glistening in the moonlight. he looked down at his scarred wrist and bit his lip. how he was going to regret this so fucking much. but he just wanted to do it so bad. he needs to have that spike of anxiety. he needs to see the blood flowing down his arm and drip onto the ground. and seungcheol does exactly that, collapsing against the torn up tree after a few slices of his wrist. he feels almost euphoric, but that could probably be from the blood loss. seungcheol drops the knife onto the dirt and lets out a groan before looking down at his bloody wrist, admiring the blood that was flowing down it. how he could make this deep cuts without screaming in pain? he simply doesn't know. maybe he is too numb to feel how it is.

 

"d-dad...i'm coming...i promise i'll be there s-soon..." coughing, seungcheol starts to close his eyes and lets unconsciousness take over him. it comes over him slowly, then all at once like a wave.

                                                                                                                       =======

 

the two boys meet each other one night. 

 

seungcheol comes tumbling through the one windowed basement jeonghan lives in. he hits the ground with a thump that wakes jeonghan out of his slumber. jeonghan squints his eyes and looks around like an idiot for awhile, struggling for his eyes to get used to the dark. 

 

"h-hello? who's here?" he sits up, looking around more. there's no one in there. no shadow, no anything. maybe jeonghan was just hearing things.

 

"h-hello." a small voice comes from the corner of the room. it sounds a bit manly. "sorry i interrupted you." jeonghan chuckles, shaking his head. this boy seemed sweet. but he just broke through his window. oh god....if his father finds-

 

"jeonghan! what the fuck are you doing up there?!" his eyes widen as he instantly panics, flailing his arms around. "hide hide hide! he's coming!" suddenly, a body slams into him, making jeonghan groan. it scurries off of him and climbs into his sleeping bag before he hears more ruffles and he's pulled in. letting out a yelp, the boy wraps his arms around him and hugs him tightly. 

 

"your name is jeonghan?" the boy whispers, jeonghan nodding slowly. the boy gulps and moves around again before taking a breath. "my name's seungcheol." 

 

soon loud bangs come from the stairs and jeonghan's father drops in the basement with a thump equally as loud as seungcheol's. jeonghan can feel his eyes piercing through the sleeping bag, making him shiver in seungcheol's arms. seungcheol notices this, and wraps his arms tighter around the younger. their soft breathing and hot air was the only thing filling the room. and then, all at once, the feeling of intense angst went away. jeonghan's father was out of the basement. his son relaxed in the olders arms and closed his eyes, letting out a loud sigh before looking down at seungcheol. 

 

"you can move now, seungcheol." seungcheol nodded slowly before the sound of shuffling sheets filled the room and he was soon out of the sleeping bag, sweat trailing down his face. he looks over at seungcheol and cracks a slight smile before getting up and stretching. 

 

"so, jeonghan, ready?" 

 

"ready for w-what?"

 

_"to see the universe?"_

 

 


End file.
